I want you to start gossiping every day.
I want you to start talking behind people’s back. Get together with friends and talk about your other friend who isn’t there.
Go to a meeting room with a colleague. Write another colleagues name on a flip chart and start talking about them.
Sorry, I missed a word out. I want you to talk good about people behind their back.
This is one of the lessons in my coaching programme and there is so much more to it than being nice. The basic premise is givers-gain. What you put out, comes back. These are not cliches, this is the way things work.
Let’s say you can get on board with the simple idea that its generally a good idea to talk positively about other people, to give to others, be of service, be helpful and supportive.
But beyond it being a nice thing to do, why bother?
Giving time and love to other people, celebrating them behind their back and to their face, letting them know what you appreciate about them…
All this requires energy. Positive energy. For you to give positive energy, you have create it inside of you first.
Think about it this way, if you’re annoyed at someone who just cut you up on the road, almost causing you to crash into a tree, you may feel that they deserve your anger. But, they’re ten miles away and you’re still raging. Your heart is beating out of your chest and you haven’t yet stopped swearing. Who is hurting most? Not the other driver. They’re singing their favourite song and drinking their sweet coffee.
To be angry, you have to create anger.
To be loving, you have to create love.
To give positive praise, you have to find the positive feeling inside of you first. You can’t give what you do’t have to give.
Put simply – when you give, you feel good.
BOOM – erang! What you send out comes back. It happens by law, the law of cause and effect. If you want good things in your life, form the habit of being in the spirit of giving.
A law means it happens every time, without exception.
Want to be loved, be loveable.
Want more money, circulate some.
Want to be appreciated? Appreciate others.
Where most people go wrong
We expect our giving to come back from the person we gave it to, and when a person doesn’t reciprocate, we stop bothering. This isn’t giving, it’s trading and when you trade, you choke off your supply. Open yourself up completely to giving and receiving wholeheartedly, without expectation.
Open the windows and let the good in. Flow it out. Allow it in.
3 Ways to develop a mindset of giving:
1. Start each interaction with the thought of, `what can I give‘, rather than `what can I get.’
2. Form the habit of looking for the good in others, and let them know you notice it.
3. Whenever you’re speaking about people who are not in your presence, speak only good about them (pssst, they don’t have to hear it to feel it).
Some other fun things you can do to develop the habit of giving:
- Give your favourite hand bag to a friend.
- Write a note to someone listing 20 things you appreciate about them.
- Send someone a thoughtful gift.
- Write a review when you receive good service.
- Tell the podcaster you admire how their work has impacted you.
- Tip the bill (have you heard of this? It means you tip the same amount as the bill).
- Like and comment on ten social posts that you appreciate every day.
- Identify a colleague that bothers you. List 5 good qualities about them. Every time you’re in their company, pay them a compliment (must be genuine).
- If you see a social post that you’d normally role your eyes at, force yourself to make a supportive comment (only if it’s genuine – dig deep people!).
- Forgive the driver who cut you up and almost made you drive into a tree. Remember that there’s not a single driver on the road who has never, ever made a mistake. Not even you!
How do you know if I have a mindset of giving?
You do it even when people aren’t watching and you do it even if they’ll never know.